TRYING TO BE REAL DAD?
THEN HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU BETTER DO
We’ve been writing in this column about being a godly man, about stepping up and being a real man. We’ve got a lot of verses to share about that, verses that matter and are life-changing, because that’s what the Word of God does. But I’m going to take a departure here and not give you many verses. I just want to share some of the most important things I’ve seen as a dad and a teacher. I’m nearing retirement in a few years, and I’ve seen some things along the way I just want to pass on. So listen up, the old geezer is on his soap box and you better get this stuff straight.
First of all, take the smart phone away from your kid until they are sixteen or seventeen (depending on his or her maturity level). They need a smart phone like a hole in the head. I would even restrict the time they have on it until they graduate. All that’s going on with that smart phone is kids playing a lot of silly, time-wasting games, tearing at each other, and watching porn. Now I often write in an exaggerated, snarky style for fun when I do these columns. But in this paragraph, I’m laying right on the line exactly what I know to be true. Give your kid a dumb phone. There are companies now marketing those especially for wise parents.
You think I’m being extreme? Secular psychologists agree with me – they caution that smart phones should only be used by kids before age sixteen with great amounts of parent coaching and monitoring. Studies link smart phone use to suicide, loneliness, and depression in teens, and declining grades. Shame on us that the pagan world is ahead of God’s people in protecting our children!
As for computer use, it is necessary for writing and researching and more. But put the computer in the open where anyone can look up and see what the child is doing. Don’t let your kid start down the road of porn or lured into some terrible situation or entrapment. When my son was a young teen, he put a verse at the top of his monitor: I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes… Psalm 101:3. Help your child with that – that’s why he or she has a dad.
Part of that too should be to make sure your child is not using AI. AI is ruining education, as a recent column in the Detroit Free Press made clear. The young author is a student at Albion College, complaining about how her classmates don’t write anything anymore – they just copy and paste what AI composes, and the profs grade and comment on it using AI. We’re raising a generation of stupid kids who can’t think or express their way out of a paper bag. Don’t let them do it!
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Next, if you homeschool, this next item may not apply, but read it anyway. Go to your child’s parent-teacher conferences. There are dads that think that’s mom’s job! SHAME! Are you going to be a father to your children or not? Some say, “My kid’s doing fine in school.” Good – go get that good report from the teachers and use it as an opportunity to praise your kids and tell them you’re proud of them. They need to hear it out loud; don’t assume they know it. However, if your kid is mediocre in school, he or she needs to know you place on a value on education. If he or she struggles, show you care, and ask the teacher how to help. Blaming the teacher will just make the teacher feel defensive, and allow your child to make excuses (I just have bad teachers, so it’s not my fault). Be a man; hold your children accountable.
As long as we’re on that subject, if your child wants to complain about a teacher or coach, listen to them in case there is something to be concerned about. But by and large, tell the child to suck it up. Don’t side with children against an authority figure. They need to show respect to adults, not be confirmed in their disrespect. If you join them in attacking an authority figure, you’re teaching them to disrespect every leader they’ll ever face in life, including spiritual leaders who need to speak into their lives. Model respect for authority, and stand behind teachers and coaches and bosses on their first jobs. Automatically taking the child’s side isn’t loving him or her; it’s teaching him or her to be a mocker and a fool.
Lastly (at least until I can think of some more stuff for a future column), when your kids are in their teens, establish a family night. There are constant activities for kids today, both at school and at church, and even if nothing is going on, they hang out with friends instead of you. I think a great church event would be for the church to schedule a night where everybody just stayed home! Kids are always gone, thanks to Henry Ford. I think I’ve written about that, but if I haven’t, let me know, and I’ll do a column on how the Transportation Revolution created “teenagers.” Anyway, I’m stealing this idea from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, who don’t understand the gospel but understand family. They do Family Home Event, usually on Mondays, where it is understood in the local community (in Utah and nearby Mormon dominant areas) that no other institution is to schedule anything in opposition to it. A couple times a month, sit down and have dinner as a family, do family devotions, and play games or something together. Look at old home movies or family pictures. Tell your family’s story – get grandma and grandpa in on it. NO PHONES! Sorry to shout, but get a clue, man. Just be a family for an evening!
Jesus said, “…for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light. Luke 16:8b OUCH! Step up to the plate and be a man. Get off the couch, or come home early from work, or stop obsessing about the law, or whatever it is you do instead of putting your wife and children first, stop! The rewards are eternal. Make them actually be sorry to see you gone someday. Treasure this time, and use it for His glory. Be a real dad.
Written By: Tim Barsuhn
