Brianna Hampton takes her husband Jordan's spot as blog writer this week.
If you’ve ever heard your wife say “Are you even listening?”, and you thought to yourself, “hmm that’s a strange way to start a conversation”, then this blog is for you.
Jokes aside, whether you consider yourself a good listener or bad I hope you’ll keep reading. Because listening, real listening, the kind that builds trust, deepens relationships, and reflects the heart of Christ is something we could all improve in.
Our world is full of talking, posting, streaming, and entertaining. But listening? That’s in short supply. The book of Proverbs is filled with practical wisdom from God. Much of which is concerned with communication, both speaking and listening. Proverbs 18:2 says “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” and 18:13 says “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame.” The fool speaks too quickly, and demonstrates impulsiveness.
James 1:19 says “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” James gives us great indicators of both wisdom and love. This profile of a good listener is opposite of the proverbial fool.
Imagine if you will what a one-on-one conversation with your wife (or someone important to you) would look like at the end of a long day. Maybe you’re feeling a little drowsy or tired. Maybe you want to share what happened in your day, and don’t think to ask her about her day. Maybe you talked all day with co-workers and would rather sit in silence. Possibly you’d rather binge your favorite show instead, or scroll your social feeds mindlessly. It’s possible you have kids running around with needs of their own so it’s hard to really show intention. Maybe the dishes need to be washed after dinner so that’s obviously the priority. Or maybe, you have an easy solution to the problems she’d like to talk about so why not just skip to telling her what she should do instead of hearing what’s on her heart.
As a wife myself, I have seen these types of distractions. (But before you go pointing it out, don’t worry I see the plank in my eye. Sadly, I do many of the same things.) Why are we like this? Why isn’t listening something that comes more naturally?
Well, because we love ourselves.
After James tells us to be “quick to listen”, he gives two great temptations that prevent us from listening. First is “slow to speak.” Seems obvious. If you’re talking you can’t listen. But there might be a little more to it here. Being quick to speak is more than just saying too many words, what he’s ultimately talking about here is selfishness. I’m quick to speak when I want to impress someone, or when I get the chance to show off my quick wit, or my knowledge on the topic, or my success. I’m quick to speak when I no longer want to engage and have other tasks I’d rather take part in. In short, I’m quick to speak when I lose interest in you.
The second thing James warns us of is being quick to anger. While being quick to speak flows from selfishness, being quick to anger flows from pride. When I am quick to anger I would rather prove myself right than understand or show value to the things you care about. I would rather make myself appear strong with the stance of anger, than doing the hard work of listening and working through vulnerable emotions that might make us feel weak or less in control. Listening well to one another prevents some of the things that poison our marriages and relationships, and will take you much further in seeking to love one another better.
Imagine now what a one-on-one conversation with Jesus might be like.
He is patient (1 Timothy 1:16). Present. (Mark 10:46-52) He is tender and caring (Mark 5:25-34). His attention is undivided (Luke 19:1-10). He asks follow up questions to convey His interest (Matthew 16:13-20). He puts your interests ahead of his own (Philippians 2:1-11). He invites you to pour out your hearts to him. (Psalm 62:8) He draws you out, and communicates sympathy (John 4:1-12). He even goes beyond listening to just your words, but listens to your attitudes and emotions as well (Luke 10:38-42). Click button below to view verses.
Imagine that. The only one being who has no need to listen to anyone, because he already knows everything, makes it his delight to hear us.
Men, you sometimes get a bad rap in the listening department - but I chose this topic intentionally, because listening isn’t a “man problem” or “husband problem”; it’s a human one. And it’s one we will never grow in apart from the strength of God and example from Christ. So, today, let the love of Christ empower us to listen to our spouses, our fellow church members, our friends, our children, and even our acquaintances. Show prioritization and care for others by drawing closer to the One who listens perfectly.
Written By: Brianna Hampton
